Jason and Katey

“You better miss me so much that it hurts. I mean violent vomiting because you can’t stand the pain, okay? And…don’t have fun.”

Those were the words I spoke to my sweet husband this morning as I dropped him off for his trip to Redondo Beach with the church staff. They are going to a conference for four days that will benefit them, our church and community in GREAT ways. While the other spouses may be pros at this by now, I’m not.

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It is nearly 10pm and I am beyond depleted of energy and emotion at the moment. Today was a doozie!

I always struggle to find new ways to explain the emotions behind our fertility struggles and yet, I find myself drawing blanks because there are so many different emotions that happen within a matter of seconds, depending on the situation or circumstance.

We are on a big emotional roller coaster that won’t stop to let us off until we find ourselves pregnant. Some days, the roller coaster is smooth and has few twists but other days, like today, it is full of loops and inverted gravity-defying turns that just about rip our stomachs out. Yeah, that bad.

I cannot explain why, but after getting a negative on our pregnancy test this morning, a wave of emotion overwhelmed me and I couldn’t get off the roller coaster fast enough. It wasn’t just one event…I think that everything caught up with me today…the loss we’ve experienced, the scam from the woman who claimed to be a birth mom, and so many other factors that need not be mentioned. By the time I made it to church this morning, I was angry and frustrated and hurt…and a big mess of a woman. It was ugly.

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While you all have spent the last few days enjoying life, work, family, friends and the weekend, I have been anxiously pacing, counting and TRYING to rest. Yep, it’s the dreaded two week wait and I thought that this time, it might be fun to blog a little about what this means…..for those of you who are not familiar, or for those of you who need a distraction and a laugh.

The two week wait is a dreaded time for couples who are TTC (trying to conceive). It basically means this – ovulation has occurred, you’ve done everything in your power to make a baby and now, you wait. Sure, in theory, this should be a time of freedom….no charting, no stress, no pressure. It’s romantic to think that the two week wait would be that easy and care-free but the reality is that it is the worst two weeks EVER and if your efforts don’t pay off that month, you get to do the whole thing over again. Since being married, we have spent eight weeks waiting… and at times, I can’t imagine waiting a moment longer.

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Here’s the deal…
I’m restless.
I have been for a while.

Allow me to explain myself…

Ever feel like you are being tugged in the opposite direction of where you currently are, or where you want to go? And usually the opposite would be a bad thing. Opposite from good is bad and, if I’m not being too proud here, I think I’m in a good place. Yep, I’ve flaked on God a few times in the last few months and sure, I could be a better person…can’t we all? But for the most part, I’m in a good place.

Is good ever good enough? Honestly, is it?

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Please pray for the birth mom who we have been in contact with. Pray that she would find the strength to make the right decisions for herself and her baby.

After writing those words on my communication card in church this morning, Jason and I went to town for a full day. In the midst of our happenings, I turned to Jason and told him that I’m starting to feel the cloud of depression lift away and for the first time in a long time, I feel alive and aware.

It’s no secret that I’ve been in a tough spot for a few months. We’ve experienced more loss in our marriage than I ever thought possible for newlyweds but things have been looking up and I’ve been leaning hard on God for the strength to be just a smidge stronger, a smidge more brave and a smidge more joyful every day.

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I believe that this is a big year for change. Maybe in congress, maybe world-wide …but for me, it starts at home with my husband. We are making changes and although small on the scale of the world, they will be rather humongous for the two of us.

Being a moderate, who usually sways towards the right more times than not, I feel that I was raised to be a proud consumer…and a proud American. I am. But since my later years of high school, I’ve felt a constant tugging in the direction of simplifying life. I’ve always been bothered by purchasing food that has ten times more packaging than needed, like toilet paper for example…why does every roll of toilet paper in a 40 pack need to be individually wrapped and packaged? It irks me.

But beyond the way that my TP is packaged, I think about things like compost piles and farmer’s markets and I can’t help but get giddy with excitement, looking forward to the day when I will be brave enough to cut the strings between my heart and fast food to finally live a more beautiful and healthy life.

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Just when we thought that a door was closing, this one swung wide open…

I was contacted last week about the possibility of doing some freelance work for this company:  http://www.fennelpollen.com/

After praying about it, we are excited to announce that I will be working with the company. Here is what I will be up to:

Trying products and recipes, blogging about my experience, getting my feelers out in the social networking world to promote the company and the products and a few other neat things.

So, for our avid readers, don’t fret. Our blog will not be taken over with foodie posts. We will keep this blog as our personal, ‘about life’ place to plop our thoughts however on occasion, I will share updates and recipes…just for fun!

As far as the company goes, I will have a separate blog for that (which of course, I recommend you read). So until we get all the details worked out, please feel free to check out the company’s website. I am confident that you will find lots of great products!

Moms – I’m thinking especially of all the new moms out there, or soon to be moms. Between Jason and myself, we have at least 20 friends who recently gave birth or are getting ready to and I highly recommend that you check out the yummy teas on the website. There is even a nursing mother’s tea! Yiipee!

Anyway, that’s my new adventure. Stay tuned for updates.

Here at the Rallis residence, we drink at least two gallons of milk each week and while my dear hubby will continue enjoying the delicious treat, I’m going to cut back on my milk intake.

This post is being written while I sip on a large glass of chocolate milk. Oops!

In the last three days, I have had maybe two glasses of milk which is a shock to my body, considering I have been drinking at least 4 cups a day. Fertility issues, blemishes and a few other random body issues have inspired me to seek other yummy ways to quench my thirst…but like always, I start thinking about beverages and quickly turn to food cravings. So here they are, my current mouth-watering cravings.

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My Nook has arrived!!!!

While my bath is filling with warm water and bubbles, I’m taking a moment to grab as many free ebooks off the Barnes and Noble website. On a side note, if you are looking for an abundance of trashy romance novels, they are jumping off the free shelves at Barnes and Noble…kind of like lice on the playground.

Anyway, I wanted to post the two books that I will be reading tonight…

1. You Were Born For This by Bruce Wilkinson

Synopsis: Anyone can do a good deed, but some good works can only happen by an act of God. Around the world these acts are called miracles–not that even religious people expect to see one any time soon. But what would happen if millions of ordinary people walked out each morning expecting God to deliver a miracle through them to a person in need? You Were Born for This starts with the dramatic premise that everyone at all times is in need of a miracle, and that God is ready to meet those needs supernaturally through ordinary people who are willing to learn the “protocol of heaven.”

In the straightforward, story-driven, highly motivating style for which he is known, Wilkinson describes how anyone can be a ‘Delivery Guy’ from heaven in such universally significant arenas of life as finances, practical help, relationships, purpose and spiritual growth.

2. Who Really Goes To Hell? The Gospel You’ve Never Heard by David Rudel

(I am interested in this book because I’ve read some pretty crazy reviews, some good but mostly bad, and I’m intrigued.)

Synopsis: The Gospel You’ve Never Heard takes a close look at Christian salvation. It presents a biblical, God-centered, and understandable framework by considering carefully the Jewish context of the gospels, epistles, and prophecies surrounding the Christ.

I will be back soon with a review of my readings. Also, everybody go buy a Nook! It’s by far the best thing since sliced bread!

Howdy All!

We have officially submitted our application for adoption!!! We won’t go into too much detail about that now, but the basics are this: domestic adoption, birth mother, semi-open with the possibility of being a fully open adoption.

Yep, we are still praying about Ethiopia but for now, we are just glad to have submitted the first of many pieces of adoption documents. We should find out within 14 days if we have been approved to move forward with this particular adoption plan. And now we wait…

During one of my brainstorming, paper-doodling moments last night, I was determined to find a way to raise money for our adoption. Let’s face it, all the paper work and home studies and flights (and about a thousand other fees and expenses) add up fast. For now, the goal is the raise $22,000. Need a minute?

Has the color come back to your face yet?

Yes, $22,000…at least. But hey, anything is possible when we lean on the strength of the Lord so that’s out plan – to lean and LEAN HARD!

While brainstorming, I thought it would be neat to hold a benefit concert with local musicians and artists. We’ve got a great coffee shop in town where musicians often play and one perk to being musicians ourselves is that we’ve got a few connections in the music community. So please keep the idea of a benefit concert in your prayers. And hey, if you are musical and would like to donate your talent to this idea, please let us know. Thanks!

I’ve got a few fundraiser ideas but they are just one day events and although they would probably help tremendously, I would also like to find a way to keep a consistent flow coming in (in addition to our incomes). Once we adopt, I would like to keep the “consistent flow” going so that we can pay it forward and help other families with the funding of their adoptions.

So as I doodled and brainstormed, it hit me….ETSY!!!! I’m a big fan of Esty and an even bigger fan of those who use their Etsy shop to benefit a foundation or scholarship, etc. Our potential adoption and Etsy are soon to collide.

I have no idea what to sell. I’m a rather creative person with my words and ideas, but I am not the most artistic…my mother thinks I’m talented but c’mon, she’s my mom!

So first, I need ideas. What should I create to sell? Also, if any of you dear friends have a knack for the arts (or whatever) and have some free time AND are looking for something to donate your time to, you are more than welcome to contribute to our Etsy shop…whatever it may be. I’m open to any/all ideas…so spill your guts!

And by the way…..WWWWAAAAAHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!